I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
