No awkward lesbian experiences without me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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