Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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