She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
