If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
