I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
