Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
