just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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