Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
