I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This baby is an asshole
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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