so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
babies were throwing up all over the place
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
