I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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