I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
