im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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