Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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