stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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