He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
