There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize