Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
