Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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