Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
