I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
