dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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