i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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