I hate your face
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
