Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
