I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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