Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
