my mouth tastes like poor choices
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
