Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
3pm strippers are depressing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
