I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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