i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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