i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
