anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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