she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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