somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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