I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
