i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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