It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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