Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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