look no pants
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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