You can't special order awesome
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
