That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
