Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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