He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
