ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
