White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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