sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
