Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
