dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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