Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
