It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
