Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
