I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
