I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
