Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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