We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize