did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
