I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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