i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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