I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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