I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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