I think my fart just growled at me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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