Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
