My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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