I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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