Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
