do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
