Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
