after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
