she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
