I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
